Can someone truly know how you feel? I don't know. I hope so though. Life would would be terrible without some level of empathy between people.

I just want Amanda to know how I feel about her, she is everything to me. I love her more everyday. She has become my world. Just because we are married and we see each daily doesn't mean I can take her for granted, that is the last thing I want I want to do. I need her...

Jamesie beats the tumor: Giraffe Baby at the Dallas Zoo!

Jamesie beats the tumor: Giraffe Baby at the Dallas Zoo!: "A few weeks ago, my friend Jean E. had some very exciting news for me! The Dallas Zoo has had a baby giraffe born just a few weeks ago. ..."

Nothing Worthwhile is Easy...

Wouldn't it be great if life was easy? Like one of those Staple's commercials where all you have to do is push an easy button to make difficulties go away. Unfortunately life is not easy; it will try you on every level. There is no magic easy button to make your problems disappear.

Lately life has been a bit trying for me and my beautiful bride. When we got married we knew that we would experience some transitions as we merge our disparate families. We did not anticipate how difficult these transitions would be, however. Kennedy is having to get used to not being an only child and having to get used to new rules and a whole new family(complete with a mom, siblings, and granddad). Amber, Nicky, and Brendan are having to cope with a new dad and a very dramatic sibling. There have been more than a few stressful days and conflicts as the kids learn to adjust to this new arrangement.

My heart goes out to my beautiful Amanda most of all because she is bearing the brunt of this adjustment period. She has the kids during the week, while I am working. I feel so bad because I need to be there to help her and encourage her during this stressful time. She doesn't complain, but I know she has had more than a few horrible days while I was gone. I love her and I hate to think that she has to go it alone while I'm gone Monday-Friday.

This struggle has made me appreciate my bride more. I see such love and strength in her even on the days where she has had enough stress to make anyone give up. She is so amazing to even try, but she wakes up everyday and does everything she can to make our blended family work. How did I get so lucky to find such a wonderful woman?

She is my inspiration and we will make this work because our new family is worth it and nothing worthwhile is easy or free.

I love you Amanda! Thank you for being such an amazing mother, wife, and friend.

--Jamey

Its been a while...

It has been a while since I last blogged. A lot has happened in the interim. I have gotten married to the woman of my dreams and went on an amazing honeymoon. So many life altering things in a short time...

So how am I doing? I am  the happiest I have ever been or believed myself capable of. Amanda truly is the most beautiful and amazing person that I have ever known and she has married me for some unfathomable reason. Me?!? Regardless of her reasoning she has made me blissfully happy. Thank you my love for everything...

I only have one complaint really and it is nothing major. I am so thankful to have a job (a job I actually enjoy and am good at), BUT (you knew it was coming) it is 2 hours away from my beautiful wife. The distance forces me to stay during the week in Sayre and I only get to see my love on the weekends. It makes for really LOOONG weeks and really short weekends. It seems we never have enough time together. Those precious moments just slip away like sand through my fingers...

Please pray I find a comparable job closer to where my heart is; with my beautiful Amanda.

I Really Need To Let Go...

I must confess I am really struggling with forgivness lately. I am holding on to a lot of anger that I am afraid will blossom into hatred. I don't know if I have ever truly hated someone but I think I am coming close now. It scares me, I don't like it one bit. It is against who I am, or at least against who I want to be. I am a forgiver, but she makes it so hard...

I'm talking about my ex of course. You would think that since we are divorced she couldn't effect me anymore, right? Wrong! She goes out of her way to sink her manipulative claws back into to me. She still is trying her hardest to drive her poison of misery back into me. I don't want her to win, but I'm tired. I'm tired of her taking advantage of me. I'm tired of having to work to pay her car payment, a car that she neither deserves nor appreciates. I'm tired of her lies, her excuses, her dillusions. I'm tired of her neglect of Kennedy. I'm tired of her made up illnesses. I'm tired of her always trying to make me look like the bad guy. I'm tired of her irresponsibility and immaturity. I'm tired of her irrationality. I'm tired of her abuse. I'm simply tired of dealing with her...

In short, she is simply the most loathesome, vile, miserable, and worthless human being that I have ever known. Nevertheless, I know that I should forgive her and move on, but there is a powerful voice inside me that reminds me constantly of all of the injustices that she has done to me; that she deserves my enmity; my hatred. This voice is not from God, I know this, but it is so hard to ignore. I try to remind myself of the Christian virtues of love and forgiveness that I truly believe in, but they seem so impossible right now when the pain is so fresh and searing in my heart right now.

I need to forgive her because God has forgiven me of my sins; my trespasses (Eph. 4:32). In the scheme of things whose sins are greater? Mine or hers?

However, knowing this does not make it easier.


Would you pray for me? I don't want to be this way...

She Rescued Me.

I'm such a goober, it seems like I am extremely talented at getting myself into stupid situations. My life could be one long slapstick movie, it seems.  On Sunday I was about to fuel up and head back to Sayre from having another amazing weekend with Amanda. I put my card into the reader and CRACK my card broke into several pieces! I don't know about you but I don't carry cash (its 2011 after all!) I was stuck. The bank is closed and I have no way to get gas to get back to Sayre. What do I do?

I loathe asking people for help, but borrowing money is the worst. So I sat at 7-11 for several minutes pondering my options. I eventually came to the inescapable conclusion that I was stuck like Chuck (the proverbial one, not my brother who has been stuck several times too).  So I did it, I called Amanda and asked for help...

And she came and rescued me with a beautiful smile on her face and a kiss. In that moment I believe I loved her more than I ever have (which is saying a lot!!!)

I know you must be thinking "He is easily impressed", but you got to understand what I have been through for the last several years. I have been with someone who never did anything for me without complaining about it. Someone who only thought of others as burdens. She wouldn't have came with a smile but with a scowl and a negative remark. That is why Amanda is amazing, she came without complaint, cheerfully,  no questions asked. She was glad to help. She wouldn't have it anyother way.

The more I think about it the more I realize how Amanda has rescued me. I'm not talking about just Sunday, but throughout our entire relationship. Before Amanda came into my life I was lost in so many ways. Her love has washed away all of my pain, guilt, and fear. She has taught me to laugh and smile again. She brings out only the best in me. She gives me strength, she completes me.

Most importanly, she has taught me about REAL love. The enduring, selfless, starry-eyed kind that I have always heard about, but never experienced until now. A love that grows, deepens, and blooms new everyday. The kind of love I was meant to have all along. Love that has to express itself through everyday little things(that aren't little at all) like smiles, kisses, and helping hands.

Thank you Amanda for giving me new reasons everyday to love you and for rescuing me.

-Jamey

My muse

Sometimes staring at this computer screen can be a little daunting. What do I write about? What do I say? Should I be serious? Should I be funny? I find it just best to write what is on your mind, let it flow...The muse will find you so to speak.

Lately everyone can name my muse; I have made no secret of my feelings for Amanda. She inspires me in a way no other ever has. I kind of feel obsessive about her, in a non-scary way of course. Its like I'm an artist and she is the object of my art and yet I feel wholly unworthy of trying to portray her.

If I was a poet I would try to write verses proclaiming her virtues.
If I was a sculptor I would try to carve her lovely visage in stone.
If I was composer I would try to compose a symphony celebrating her love.
If I was painter I would try to capture the wonderful, everchanging shade in her beautiful eyes.

I would try and fail...

How could I do these things? They would be just crude representations of the beauty, virtue, and love she embodies. I would be foolish to even try. How could mere stone, paint,words, or music hope to compare to her? It would be easier to capture the wind in your hands than to recreate her beauty. She is an original; completely irreproduceable.

I know, as your reading this, you are probably thinking I'm just being sentimental; foolish (puppy love). I don't care what anyone thinks or says. I love her and she is beyond compare. She is mine and she will always know how amazing, beautiful, and breathtaking she is, because I will show her and tell her everyday.

That is all I can do.